Tag: Theology

Sarcoma, Suffering, and Sovereignty

On By Pattison1 Comment

As we rapidly approach the end of January, I reflect on what’s transpired up to this point. It seems like it was six months ago when we got the news that turned our world upside down. Unfortunately, we only just passed the two month anniversary.

Regardless of what the passage of time since then feels like or what it actually is, I can tell you for sure that it feels like I’ve aged five years in those two months.

During these past couple months I have longed for those beautiful moments of mercy. Those moments when the pain is eased, even momentarily. That’s why I’ve coveted even the normally mundane in my life, these blessed times of distraction like going to work, taking care of the kids, and helping to keep the home standing upright. I’ve also buried myself in my writing, determined to get my next book published sometime in late 2020 or early 2021.

Since finding out our youngest son has cancer (Osteosarcoma), it has been one trial after another, including a trip to another state for a biopsy, enduring the grueling ordeal of a fractured leg, and the joys of chemotherapy which includes our family being separated for extended periods of time (just to name a few of our trials).

We have learned to appreciate the little things that we once took for granted, and we are thankful for the moments of relief from the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual anguish that has been our constant companion since November 15, 2019.

We have been blessed by so many people—even complete strangers—during this time, we just can’t thank them all enough. So many people have helped us financially, with meals, with cards and letters of encouragement for Kohen, with gifts for our kids, and with being there for us during this incredibly difficult time, including a wonderful visit from friends who I haven’t seen in 21 years who drove in from California for a visit and to bring gifts for Kohen.

I understand the clay is not owed an explanation from the potter as to why Kohen got cancer, for who am I?

I shall not ask, as some are tempted to do, why do bad things happen to good people? I already know that answer. By God’s standards there are no good people, for none are good, not even one . . . myself and my family included. The more appropriate question to ask is how can God, who knows the wickedness of my heart, allow me to live another day?

Grace. That is why. And that is why I do not to seek an explanation for why this is happening. The fact that I have drawn another breath as I write this is a testament to His mercy. That fact that I have lived a long, comfortable life, and been blessed with a wonderful family when I deserve none of this, is a sign of His grace. And if Kohen survives this ordeal, it isn’t something any of us are owed, but it would be a blessing beyond what our meager words could express.

When things are going good, we’re oftentimes too busy to recognize His mercy in our blessings. And when tragedy strikes, we’re oftentimes too busy grieving to recognize His sovereignty in our suffering. But in all things, even in the storms, we are to give thanks to the Lord just as Job says:

“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

In the whirlwind of chaos that has become the new normal for us, we have been blessed to experience God’s mercies in this storm. Like how our family intersected with other families who have suffered the ravages of cancer and who have now become a support to us, including one of their children who survived cancer now being able to provide direct help to our son at the hospital.

During this storm we’ve also had the opportunity to experience the comfort of God’s sovereignty. On December 11, 2019, while Kohen was on his second day of his first round of chemotherapy in the hospital, he fractured his leg. As you can probably imagine, this became an even greater challenge for us. We quickly discovered that trying to perform even the slightest of movements caused excruciating pain for Kohen.

I remember being angry that this happened. It was just another layer of grief on top of a constantly growing mountain of tribulation. But once the dust settled I realized that—because of the tumor and the biopsy—it was only a matter of time before this break in Kohen’s leg would have happened. And then it occurred to me: by God’s sovereign grace Kohen didn’t fracture his leg at home. It happened at the hospital where all the treatment he needed could be immediately obtained. It was then I could see that behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face.

We are benefactors of unmerited grace, tender mercies, and the comforting sovereignty of God that reaches beyond our finite comprehension.

So, again, I don’t ask why this is happening to us, I only pray that we don’t miss the purpose of this trial when it’s finally revealed. It is also my prayer that through all of this we are being sanctified and can one day provide help and support to others in similar situations, like only those who’ve been through this themselves can do.

It is Well

On By Pattison4 Comments

The Classic

It is no secret that I prefer the old hymns over much of the modern music used in churches today. Those enduring hymns were substantive, full of sound doctrine, and equivalent to a sermon set to music. Whereas so much of today’s music for worship is a mile wide and an inch deep, and maddening in its repetitions.

Of all the great hymns, my favorite has always been Horatio Spafford’s, It Is Well With My Soul.

What makes that hymn so meaningful to me is not only the song itself, but the story behind the song. If you’re unfamiliar with the origination of this song, here’s a synopsis:

  • Horatio Spafford (1828 – 1888) was a lawyer living in Illinois when he lost many of his real estate investments in the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. He invested in those properties in the spring of that year, only to lose most of them in the infamous October blaze.
  • That same year, Horatio’s only son succumbed to Scarlet Fever, dying at only four years of age.
  • Two years later, Horatio lost even more money in the financial crisis of 1873.
  • Deciding to take a family trip to Europe in November of 1873, the Spafford family, including Horatio, his wife Anna, and their four remaining children (daughters Tanetta, Elizabeth, Annie, and Margaret), all booked passage on the steamship Ville du Havre. However, an unforeseen change in business plans required Horatio to stay behind, sending only his wife and daughters, who he would meet up with later.
  • On November 22, 1873, as the Ville du Havre was crossing the Atlantic Ocean, it was struck by another ship, the Loch Earn. The Ville du Havre sustained too much damage to remain afloat and it sank, killing 226 people, four of which were Horatio and Anna’s daughters.
  • When Horatio’s wife, who survived by clinging to floating debris, reached England, she sent her husband a telegram. It said: “Saved Alone. What shall I do?”
  • Horatio promptly booked passage on a ship and headed across the Atlantic to be with his wife. At some point during the voyage, the captain of the ship informed Horatio that they were passing over the exact location where the Ville du Havre sank.
  • After learning this, Horatio retired to his cabin in the ship where he penned the hymn It Is Well With My Soul which has endured for nearly a hundred and fifty years. It’s been covered by many different musical artists and the chorus has even been grafted into moderns songs.

You can listen to this profound classic here:

The Modern

One of the modern songs which incorporates the chorus of Horatio’s hymn is one that I was listening to through the first month after learning of Kohen’s cancer diagnosis. Although nowhere as doctrinally meaty as Horatio’s magnum opus, this song, simply titled It Is Well, seemed to be the perfect song for the perfect moment.

With such great suffering, like we are experiencing right now with our son, this song is impossible for me to get through without shedding tears.

For those who are suffering, you will quickly recognize that this is much more than just a “pretty song.” If you’ve never heard it before, put a few minutes aside from your busy day and listen to it, cherishing the song for its beauty, its simplicity, and its reminder to “Let go, my soul, and trust in Him; the waves and wind still know His name.”

Conclusion

In 1902, a man was in attendance at a church in Worcester, Massachusetts when the story behind Horatio Spafford’s It Is Well With My Soul was featured. After singing the song and hearing the tragic story behind its writing, the unidentified man, who had recently suffered great financial loss, was recorded as saying:

“I will never again complain of my lot. If Spafford could write such a beautiful resignation hymn when he had lost all his children, and everything else save his wife and character, I ought surely to be thankful that my losses have been so light.”

I pray that no matter what we go through with Kohen, I am able to lift my head and my voice and emphatically proclaim that indeed, it is well with my soul.