Week One: Part Three

Day Seven: Thursday, November 21, 2019

My wife stayed up late the night before, researching our son’s cancer. This morning she told me that because of the lack of other symptoms associated with Kohen’s condition (e.g. fever, lethargy, general illness, etc.) she believes the tumor in Kohen’s leg may actually be benign. We are holding out hope that this is the case, and that very hope helped to contribute to today being a good today. I didn’t even break down all day. But then came the evening.

In the evening Courtney talked to Kohen’s oncologist which brought us back down to reality. Afterward, the cloud of grief retuned over my head, and that dark cloud returned with a vengeance.

I began feeling intense anxiety and got sick to my stomach. What started out as a great day turned miserable. So many different roads we have to decide between, all with lifelong ramifications. And “lifelong” may not even end up being that long after all for our little Kohen.

We are having to make so many life and death decisions for our son, all the while snared in the suffocating grip of the tendrils of grief.

Day Eight: Friday, November 22, 2019

Today makes one week since our world was turned upside down. Seems like a month ago.

I woke up feeling neutral; not good, not bad, just neutral. 

Later in the afternoon we got word that we’ve been scheduled for a 9AM biopsy appointment next week in Salt Lake City, Utah. We will then know for sure if the tumor is benign or malignant. This whole ordeal feels like a runaway train, and I just want to get off.

To be continued.

One thought on “Week One: Part Three

  1. Lori Burnetti

    Praying sending love hugs and prayers 🙏
    I experienced dealing with cancer in a child back in 1980. A little 4 year old I cared for, the horrendous journey was filled with struggles and complications.
    My heart goes out to you all.
    Our little 4 year old is now is now 44 years old ❤️
    I’m praying your son will come out stinger and healthier than ever.
    With love Lori


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